最新英语脱口秀 (3000字)
Hi guys, long time no see, have been a while not talking to you guys. Welcome to the brand new talk show, NickintheHouse. I will talk about things like myself, or the hot social topics. I hope you like it.
大家好，好久不见，有段时间没跟大家见面了。欢迎大家来到我全新的脱口秀视频，我在这里会用自己的方式点评下社会热点 自己身边的趣事等等。希望你们能喜欢。I heard that the Traditional Chinese English is hot now. A lot of people had watched video that a CCTV journalist was interviewing a Zanbiya development director Andrew. The classic sentence is: How do you see China's DE'VE'LO'P'MENT in RE'CENT'LY years. I got to say that it was really fun. But I think this journalist will be under a lot of pressure, come on, give the guy a break.
Furthermore, English is just a language tool, if you can understand what I am talking about, Andrew can understands what I am talking about, Lilei han meimei can understand each other, so that is enough. (just like cursing, you understand it, and you cursing back need a accent? ) (动作骂人) Most importantly, accent is a beautiful thing; it is passed down from our pioneers, generation from generation. We respect the culture, I am really proud of it, because I have an accent.
我听说中国传统#中式英语#最近又火了。相信许多人都看了那段央视记者用英语采访赞比亚发展委总监“按住”先生。那句最经典的：How do you see China's DE'VE'LO'P'MENT in RE'CENT'LY years， 我不得不说，这段视频很有趣。但是我想这个记者现在身上一定有着不小的压力，朋友们，放他一马吧。再说了，英语其实就是一个语言工具，如果你明白我在说什么，“按住”先生明白我在说什么，李雷韩美美互相能明白对方的意思，这就足够了。 就像骂人一样，你听明白了，回骂就够了，需要口音吗？
最重要的是，口音是一种特有的艺术，它也是一辈传一辈，代代相传下来的。我们尊重传统文化，我有口音，我骄傲！According to Some official publicity department’s report, there are around 100 floating bodies in certain area from Yellow river every year, but it is said that it won’t affect the water’s quality, which meets the national water standard. Some people are whining about it: no, the water is bad, this is my country, full of its characteristic, blabalbal. Don’t bitch about it; you guys have drunk it for hundreds of years, now you become a smarty? Hang*3? Suck it up, like Peter Russell said, be a man!
Mommy, today’s water taste like pig, shut up and drink it, don’t be a sissy girl, be a man.
Mommy, today’s water taste like diesel, drink it, shut up and drink it, don’t be a sissy girl, be a man.
Mommy, today’s water taste like shitty feet, drink it, shut up and drink it, don’t be a sissy girl, be a super man.
根据某宣传部通报：平均每年在黄河某段漂浮的尸体约有100具，水质正常，符合标准，未出现因浮尸影响黄河水质情况. 但是有些人就开始抱怨了，擦，水质太差，这就是我们的家园，太富有China特色了，等等等。各位别吵吵了，老百姓都喝了好几百年了，怎么现在才想起了呢？啊啊啊？适者生存，就像Peter Russell常说的，爷们点！！
妈妈，今天这水喝起来跟腐味猪汤一个味。闭嘴悄悄喝，别像个小孩一样，要像爷们一样去战斗。
妈妈，今天这水喝起来跟柴油一个味。闭嘴悄悄喝，别像个小孩一样，像爷们一样去战斗。 妈妈，今天这水喝起来跟Cua赛的臭脚一个味，闭嘴悄悄喝，别像个小孩一样，像能飞的爷们一样去战斗。What a legendary win by Chinese football team, amazing and unbelievable victory for the team also for their people, they are the heroes of all times. The whole nation is going crazy about this. The national television reported this repeatedly, the whole world can not overlook the football power of China. Do they win the world cup? No they don’t, they just win
one match.
中国男子足球队获得了史诗般的胜利，人们都在感叹这次不可思议的胜利，他们就是民族英雄。我们的骄傲。整个国家都陷入的狂喜当中。国家电视每天都在播放着胜利的消息。世界再也不能小看这个足球的王国。他们赢得了世界杯了吗？不，他们刚刚1比0赢了一场预选赛比赛。
There are some stray cats in a residential estate, Lady Q used to feed the stray cat, there was one day, Lady S was walking her dog, suddenly her dog got into a fight with a stray cat, Lady S couldn’t stand there and watched, so she helped her dog to fight the cat, but she was scratched by the cat during the battle. (Ping) no, that’s Wolverine. So Lady S decided to sue Lady Q, Lady Q was shot on the kneels. Finally the court verdict was that Lady Q shared the half of the responsibility because she fed the cats. I don’t know how to comment on that, I just want to warn the people, who like to go to the zoo and feed the lion, don’t do that anymore, if we got a jumper there, you got to pay his ass.
某小区有流浪猫，乔女士经常对流浪猫喂投食物。有一天，肖女士出门溜狗，狗跟流浪猫打起来了，肖女士冲上前，与狗狗联手大战流浪猫，结果被流浪猫抓伤。喂猫的乔女士躺枪被告上法庭，最终法庭判乔女士承担一半的责任。我不知道怎样去评论这条新闻，我只想警告某些爱逛动物园的人。别再去野生动物园喂狮子了，太危险了，如果有人跳进狮圈自杀，你还得买他一半单。What a legendary win by Chinese football team, amazing and unbelievable victory for the team also for their people, they are the heroes of all times. The whole nation is going crazy about this. The national television reported this repeatedly, the whole world can not overlook the football power of China. Do they win the world cup? No they don’t, they just win one match.
中国男子足球队获得了史诗般的胜利，人们都在感叹这次不可思议的胜利，他们就是民族英雄。我们的骄傲。整个国家都陷入的狂喜当中。国家电视每天都在播放着胜利的消息。世界再也不能小看这个足球的王国。他们赢得了世界杯了吗？不，他们刚刚1比0赢了一场预选赛比赛。here are some stray cats in a residential estate, Lady Q used to feed the stray cat, there was one day, Lady S was walking her dog, suddenly her dog got into a fight with a stray cat, Lady S couldn’t stand there and watched, so she helped her dog to fight the cat, but she was scratched by the cat during the battle. (Ping) no, that’s Wolverine. So Lady S decided to sue Lady Q, Lady Q was shot on the kneels. Finally the court verdict was that Lady Q shared the half of the responsibility because she fed the cats. I don’t know how to comment on that, I just want to warn the people, who like to go to the zoo and feed the lion, don’t do that anymore, if we got a jumper there, you got to pay his ass.
某小区有流浪猫，乔女士经常对流浪猫喂投食物。有一天，肖女士出门溜狗，狗跟流浪猫打起来了，肖女士冲上前，与狗狗联手大战流浪猫，结果被流浪猫抓伤。喂猫的乔女士躺枪被告上法庭，最终法庭判乔女士承担一半的责任。我不知道怎样去评论这条新闻，我只想警告某些爱逛动物园的人。别再去野生动物园喂狮子了，太危险了，如果有人跳进狮圈自杀，你还得买他一半单。You guys all know that I have a daughter now, thanks, yeah I know, I am such a cool dad. And I told me my friend about this, he said congratulation to you, man! I said thanks, that’s very nice of you to say that. He said, no, congratulation to you, welcome to the club. Your suffering days had just begun. . (I don’t know he is laughing or crying) (表情)Actually I don’t believe that crap in the first time, how hard it could be? Then I found he is not lying. My daughter had just reached her rebellious period，every father’s nightmare. Screaming really loud without a reason, being additive to the wild rock and roll music, and talking tom. Enjoying the party with
her two hopping legs. Don’t judge my daughter; she is old enough to do that, three month old, tough kid.
大家都知道我现在有女儿的人了。谢谢，我知道，我就是这样一个酷爹。我告诉我朋友我当爹了的时候，他说：恭喜你，哥们。 我说：谢谢你，你人真好。他说：不，“恭喜你”欢迎来到遭罪俱乐部。（我实在不明白他当时的表情是哭还是笑）一开始我不相信他的话，养个孩子能有多难？但后来我发现他的确没有说谎。我的女儿刚刚迎来了她的少女逆反期，无理由的暴哭与大叫，对于摇滚乐和说话汤姆的痴迷，不停的蹬着双腿不睡觉。但是不要误解她，她也是大姑娘了，三个月大了呦。For me, the hardest part is to get the kid off to bed，I cuddle her, I swing her, I even sing songs for her, One little two little three little bears, bear father, bear mother, bear child, I took a sneaky glimpse at her, she looked at me with no facial expression, still drooling, and ready to cry, you just can’t give up. You keep on swinging her, patting her until you can’t feels your arms anymore. Finally you heard the silence, Yes, I just did it. You were ready to put her down, very very slowly, well then, you found out she was still like the owl ready to catch a rat or something.(动作)
By contrast, women are born with the super gift; they are really natural with the kid. There is one time, my wife just looked at her and snapped her finger, and she fell asleep. Amazing magic.
对于我来说，最困难的就是让她自己睡觉。你抱着她，你来回晃着她，你各种给她唱歌，一个小熊两只小熊三只小熊，熊爸爸，熊妈妈，和这个熊孩子。我侧脸悄悄的看了下她的反应，她面无表情，流着口水，准备暴哭。你绝对不能放弃，你加快节奏拍她，晃她。最终你听见没动静了，哈哈，成功啦！！你慢慢的把她放在小床上，记住要慢慢的。然后，你发现她的眼睛依旧睁得像一只猫头鹰一样。
相反，女人天生就像有超能力一样，小朋友在她们手上就是乖乖束手就擒。有一次夫人就看着她，轻打响指，女儿就倒头大睡。这可比春晚的魔术流逼多了！
So that’s all for today, If you have the good topic suggestion or ideas, just leave comments on my weibo, that would be really nice. I will see you next time, bye bye. I am still wondering why today’s taste like disinfectant water. Be a man.
今天说了也不少，如果您有什么好的题目和想法，就去我的微博上留言吧。那么咱就下次见哈，88.
今天这个自来水怎么一股消毒水味呢？想爷们一样！