英语小故事2分钟幽默
篇一：课前两分钟的英语小故事
课前两分钟的英语小故事
A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of
water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.
Zeal should not outrun discretion.
有只鸽子口渴得很难受，看见画板上画着一个水瓶，以为是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飞过 去，不料一头碰撞在画板上，折断了翅膀，摔在地上，被人轻易地捉住了。
这是说，有些人想急于得到所需的东西，一时冲动，草率从事，就会身遭不幸。
The Raven and the Swan乌鸦和天鹅
A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven 1
left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.
Change of habit cannot alter Nature.
乌鸦非常羡慕天鹅洁白的羽毛。他猜想天鹅一定是经常洗澡，羽毛才变得如此洁白无 瑕。于是，他毅然离开了他赖以生存的祭坛，来到江湖边。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 点都没洗白，反而因缺少食物饥饿而死。
这故事是说，人的本性不会随着生活方式的改变而改变。
The Goat and the Goatherd 山羊与牧羊人
A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I be silent."
2
Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.
很多山羊被牧羊人赶到羊圈里。有一只山羊不知在吃什么好东西，单独落在后面。牧羊 人拿起一块石头扔了过去，正巧打断了山羊的一只角。牧羊人吓得请求山羊不要告诉主人， 山羊说：“即使我不说，又怎能隐瞒下去呢？我的角已断了，这是十分明显的事实。”
这故事说明，明显的罪状是无法隐瞒的。
The Miser守财奴
A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, "Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you 3
quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it."
有个守财奴变卖了他所有的家产，换回了金块，并秘密地埋在一个地方。他每天走去看 看他的宝藏。有个在附近放羊的牧人留心观察，知道了真情，趁他走后，挖出金块拿走了。 守财奴再来时，发现洞中的金块没有了，便捶胸痛哭。有个人见他如此悲痛，问明原因后， 说道：“喂，朋友，别再难过了，那块金子虽是你买来的，但并不是你真正拥有的。去拿一 块石头来，代替金块放在洞里，只要你心里想着那是块金子，你就会很高兴。这样与你拥有 真正的金块效果没什么不同。依我之见，你拥有那金块时，也从没用过。”
这故事说明，一切财物如不使用等于没有。
The Wolf and the Lamb 狼与小羊
WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him:"Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf , "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have 4
not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations."
The tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny.
一只小羊在河边喝水，狼见到后，便想找一个名正言顺的借口吃掉他。于是他跑到上游，恶狠狠地说小羊把河水搅浑浊了，使他喝不到清水。小羊回答说，他仅仅站在河边喝水，并且又在下游，根本不可能把上游的水搅浑。狼见此计不成，又说道：“我父亲去年被你骂过。”小羊说，那时他还没有出生。狼对他说：“不管你怎样辩解，反正我不会放过 你。”
这说明，对恶人做任何正当的辩解也是无效的。
The Bat and the Weasels蝙蝠与黄鼠狼
A BAT who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleaded to be spared his life. The Weasel refused, saying that he was by nature the enemy of all birds. The Bat assured him that he 5
篇二：英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)
英语幽默小故事10篇(
带翻译)
线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下：
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, &quo
t;Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the
army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
Ten Candies
Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”
“Ten.” Jim says.
“Then,” Mother asks.
“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”
故事2 十块糖
妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。
“10块？”妈妈问。
“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”
小学生英语故事
包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O
英文幽默故事：
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”
老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」
Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里？
老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？
学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。
老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？
学生：在蛋糕里，先生
Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”
汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？" "没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了"
Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.
Man:He is really somebody.What does do?
Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery
他真是一个大人物
小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。
男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？
小孩：墓地守墓人。
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
一名伟人
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.
史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．
服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．
Son: Dad, give me a dime.
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?
儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。
父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？
儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？
A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”
有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会
迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。